Puck You! The Legend Returns
Monday, September 18, 2006
You are correct, Mr. Eng, hockey is almost back. (About fucking time!)
And with such as occasion comes predictions, or as I like to call them - mistakes. Here's a bunch of 'em: ( I expect the rest of you to make similar proclamations)
During the regular season, the West will be won by Anaheim, led by Chris "My wife has my balls in her Gucci purse" Pronger, and Scotty Neidermayer. However, this prediction will be null and void if Pronger finds another lady sports reporter to bang and he has to be traded elsewhere. This is quite possible, as there's a lot of hot broads in SoCal.
The Eastern No. 1 seed for playoffs will be, I predict, Buffalo.
Here's my whole conference shakedowns...
WEST
1. Anaheim (division winner)
2. San Jose (division winner)
3. Vancouver (division winner)
4. Calgary
5. Nashville
6. Detroit
7. Edmonton
8. Dallas
*Not much change in the west from last year except in the order - although I subbed in Vancouver in favour of Colorado, who I don't think will make the playoffs (I say they'll finish 9th, just behind Dallas). You can't lose Blake and Tanguay a year after losing Foote and Forsberg and still expect to win it all.
And as for the Canucks pick? Blatantly cheerleading, you say?
Puck you, I say.
Actually, you have a valid point - they turned over more than half the team including coaching staff, Jovonoski, both goalies, Bert, etc etc etc..yeah I know. But you know who we did get?
Roberto Fucking Luongo, who wins 5-6 games a year by himself. And while they might bore fans to sleep with the defensive prowess of Pyatt, Chouinard, and Linden, they'll still win. The Flames won the division with no scoring and a top-notch goalie, and while their D was better than the 'Nucks this year, I still think it'll happen.
Here's my Eastern predictions, and keep in mind this is more of a guess because I don't follow Eastern teams as closely as the ones out west.
1. Buffalo (division winner)
2. New York (division winner)
3. Carolina (division winner)
4. Ottawa
5. New Jersey
6. Tampa Bay
7. Philly
8. Boston
It pains me to a great degree to sub in Boston for Montreal - I'd really like to take Philly out of it, but I just can't. And I know Boston is a bit of a darkhorse pick after finishing 20 points out of the playoffs last year, but every year there's a surprise team and I think with Marc Savard and Chara in the lineup, they'll be better.
But I will go on the record as saying that that's the one pick which I know is a stretch.
As for individual awards, I think the top five scorers are, in order: Joe Thornton, Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Jaromir Jagr, and Jonathan Cheechoo.
Vezina trophy goes to either Luongo, Kiprusoff, or Henrik Lundquist. Rookie of the year is probably Evgeni Malkin, although I'd like to say Alex Radulov or Luc Bourdon.
PLAYOFFS
I'm getting tired of writing, so you're just getting the Coles Notes version here:
In the West, Vancouver and Calgary make it to the Conference finals, and in the East, it's Buffalo and Carolina again.
That's as far as I'll go in my predictions, however, as I can't bring myself to not vote for the Canucks once I've put them in the final four, and it's an underdog call. If I picked them to go all the way, that'd be just wishful thinking, so I'll just say this:
Do I hope they win? Yes.
Do I think they will? Anything's possible.
And with such as occasion comes predictions, or as I like to call them - mistakes. Here's a bunch of 'em: ( I expect the rest of you to make similar proclamations)
During the regular season, the West will be won by Anaheim, led by Chris "My wife has my balls in her Gucci purse" Pronger, and Scotty Neidermayer. However, this prediction will be null and void if Pronger finds another lady sports reporter to bang and he has to be traded elsewhere. This is quite possible, as there's a lot of hot broads in SoCal.
The Eastern No. 1 seed for playoffs will be, I predict, Buffalo.
Here's my whole conference shakedowns...
WEST
1. Anaheim (division winner)
2. San Jose (division winner)
3. Vancouver (division winner)
4. Calgary
5. Nashville
6. Detroit
7. Edmonton
8. Dallas
*Not much change in the west from last year except in the order - although I subbed in Vancouver in favour of Colorado, who I don't think will make the playoffs (I say they'll finish 9th, just behind Dallas). You can't lose Blake and Tanguay a year after losing Foote and Forsberg and still expect to win it all.
And as for the Canucks pick? Blatantly cheerleading, you say?
Puck you, I say.
Actually, you have a valid point - they turned over more than half the team including coaching staff, Jovonoski, both goalies, Bert, etc etc etc..yeah I know. But you know who we did get?
Roberto Fucking Luongo, who wins 5-6 games a year by himself. And while they might bore fans to sleep with the defensive prowess of Pyatt, Chouinard, and Linden, they'll still win. The Flames won the division with no scoring and a top-notch goalie, and while their D was better than the 'Nucks this year, I still think it'll happen.
Here's my Eastern predictions, and keep in mind this is more of a guess because I don't follow Eastern teams as closely as the ones out west.
1. Buffalo (division winner)
2. New York (division winner)
3. Carolina (division winner)
4. Ottawa
5. New Jersey
6. Tampa Bay
7. Philly
8. Boston
It pains me to a great degree to sub in Boston for Montreal - I'd really like to take Philly out of it, but I just can't. And I know Boston is a bit of a darkhorse pick after finishing 20 points out of the playoffs last year, but every year there's a surprise team and I think with Marc Savard and Chara in the lineup, they'll be better.
But I will go on the record as saying that that's the one pick which I know is a stretch.
As for individual awards, I think the top five scorers are, in order: Joe Thornton, Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Jaromir Jagr, and Jonathan Cheechoo.
Vezina trophy goes to either Luongo, Kiprusoff, or Henrik Lundquist. Rookie of the year is probably Evgeni Malkin, although I'd like to say Alex Radulov or Luc Bourdon.
PLAYOFFS
I'm getting tired of writing, so you're just getting the Coles Notes version here:
In the West, Vancouver and Calgary make it to the Conference finals, and in the East, it's Buffalo and Carolina again.
That's as far as I'll go in my predictions, however, as I can't bring myself to not vote for the Canucks once I've put them in the final four, and it's an underdog call. If I picked them to go all the way, that'd be just wishful thinking, so I'll just say this:
Do I hope they win? Yes.
Do I think they will? Anything's possible.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
